Even the earliest of written texts say “love thyself” and yet, as a society in general, we tend to shrug it off as cliche. Our culture tends to undervalue its importance and, instead promotes self-sacrifice, people pleasing, self-deprecation and being self-conscious.
Even when I searched for the opposite of self- love to help create that list, the search labelled it as “excessive pride or vanity of self”. If that’s how we view self-love then it’s no wonder that we don’t practice it!!!
According to Oxford dictionary self-love is “regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).” I repeat, not excessive pride or vanity.
Wikipedia on-the-other-hand says: Self-love, defined as "love of self" or "regard for one's own happiness or advantage", has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, synonymous with amour propre, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism.
So we need it and it’s a moral flaw???
Confusing much? If love is “having a deep affection for someone or something“, then how can it be wrong to have that for oneself?
Imagine that you had to spend everyday of your life with someone? You couldn’t go anywhere without them, they gave you their opinion on everything, they never shut up and they were a backseat driver to everything you do…
Sounds terrible right?
Well what if that person was you?
You have to live with yourself 24/7 and, if you’re not taking the time to actively love on and appreciate yourself, it’s a self bet that you often annoy the crap out yourself. You are probably frustrated and disappointed with you on a regular basis. And that is not a great foundation for any relationship.
The further we are from loving ourselves, the harder it is to know what showing real love is to someone else, and love and connection is a
human need we all have. Its a must! Without it, studies have shown that we have poor health, both mental and physical, and we fail to thrive.
So love and connection, in general, is a major component to thriving and, therefore, a successful life, so wouldn’t having love for oneself, specifically, be the most important? We live with ourselves after all.
That’s why we need to treat our relationship with ourselves like we do any other relationship in which we love the person. What are the ways that you express love to your parents, your siblings, your friends, your partner?
If you feel like you could do better at showing them love than that in itself is a good sign that you need more self-love.
Love gets generated from the inside out, the better we are at loving ourselves, the better we get at loving others and it then creates a beautiful upward cycle in which the feelings of love and appreciation keep growing and gaining compound interest.
Since most people define a successful life as one that is filled with happiness, then the better we get at love, the better we get at success.
And there is no love without self-love.
If you feel you need to do better with this and are looking to start the process of loving yourself, check out these 5 simple techniques that you can start right away to experience more self-love now:
…and remember that love is a feeling that ebbs and flows, it is not constant but, with practice, can grow to become the most dominant emotion and habit in your life. Imagine a world where love was the most abundant emotion felt? 🥰 …if that’s not success, then please tell me what is?
🤍 your coach,
Stephanie