She thinks she’s my best friend 🙄, she believes her role is to keep me safe and to help me fit in. She makes sure that I look good, that I say all of the right things, and that I act exactly how others want me to act. She makes sure everyone likes me....
How does she do this exactly?
She makes me feel bad when I do or say something that might make someone else upset...I have actually gotten so afraid that this might happen that paranoia has taken over and Ive ended up saying something that was taken out of context or was offensive (exactly like she knew I would 😐...she thinks she’s always right 🙄).
She makes sure that I’m aware of my physical appearance, if she thinks I look good she’s happy and praises me, but if I gain weight or wear something she thinks isn’t flattering, WATCH OUT!!! She won’t let me forget, I swear she must tell me thousand times a day!!!!
Also, she makes sure I know when someone doesn’t like me or my work. Actually she doesn’t let me forget it, reminding of all the ways I may have annoyed or turned someone off, and she especially likes to be heard when I’m trying to sleep at night.
Listening to Ang is why it took me 15 years (and a global pandemic 🦠) to finally pursue my passions!!!
Ang, of course, is my inner critic and listening to her has become exhausting, so I’ve stopped listening to her.
So what has happened to Ang now that I’m no longer engaging with her?
Nothing, she’s still there....
You see, I used to be confused, she was so loud, I thought she was a part me. Her voice was much louder than I am so I even thought she WAS me!!!!
Now I realize, through meditation, personal development, introspection, therapy, and a shit ton of journaling, that the part of me that developed Ang came from messages I picked up from the world around me about how I should behave and how I should think, she was never me and definitely did not choose to befriend her!!!
The real me is so much more loving than she could ever be. The real me is sensitive to the feelings of others, cares deeply about the world and those that share it with me. This woman loves to move and laugh and sing. She is goofy and a HUGE nerd and is proud of it. I love deep conversations and learning about others.
I don’t listen to Ang very often anymore (I wish it was never but she’s persistent). I know she’s not me, she’s not real, in fact she’s a lie. Her warnings of how I might not connect with others are EXACTLY why I had trouble connecting!!!
There is only one way to real, authentic, connections and that is to be connected with my authentic self, period.
So when Ang swings her lovely head around and starts telling me how to behave, I acknowledge her, smile and tell her “thank you for trying to protect me but I’ve got this”
I am love and light 💫
And so are you my friend a💗💫💗
If you have an Ang, you just let her/him/them know that you hear them, but you’re not listening anymore and go and live your best life 😘